We are recognition hunger» [1]
Éric Berne defines a Sign of Recognition (also called a "caress" or "stroke") as "any act involving the recognition of another's presence"[2].
In this way, we acknowledge the other's right to be among us, to be part of the group, to be legitimate.
The sign of recognition is more than a need; it's a necessity. A necessity linked to our social identity.
Social identity stems from our sense of belonging, not vice versa. So, we seek out groups and communities that will accept us into their midst and create this identity by giving us self-esteem.
Self-esteem is linked to the conviction that we carry values and abilities that align with the culture in which we evolve. Self-esteem naturally reflects our interactions with the groups and communities we belong to.
Self-esteem (in other words, the value we place on the reflection we see in the mirror of the group - company, colleagues, etc. - in which we all look). - Our self-esteem (in other words, the value we place on the reflection we receive in the mirror of the group - company, colleagues, etc. - in which we all look at ourselves) is built up in our primary home group, and then progresses through successive baths in secondary home groups.[3]
And it's from this esteem that confidence develops, a psychological state that enables us to look to the future with more significant serenity.
So, there's a strong link between signs of recognition and confidence. Self-confidence, but also confidence in peers and authority.
In a company, these three types of trust help to develop and maintain motivation.
A person with a strong capacity for self-evaluation (internal reference) will need fewer external signals to develop self-esteem and confidence.
Moreover, trust will feed this internal reference, sometimes to severing the rational link with criticism or signs of divergence.
Eric Berne also talks about the games created to increase the reception of signs of recognition. For example, in relationships with certain people, a kind of mini-ceremonial connivance is validated by both protagonists, reinforcing this recognition and, thus, this bond of belonging.
In excess, this forced search for signs of recognition can lead to what is known as Hyper[4], a compensatory behavior that replaces a healthy attitude but is "forbidden" in the individual's value domain.
Signs of recognition must, therefore, be considered with moderation and respect. They must respond to a particular reality, not a systematic one.
It is only under these conditions that trust can develop. Trust in yourself, trust in your team, trust in your manager.
Laurent Combalbert, a professional negotiator with the RAID, defines five types of business confidence:
Self-confidence, team confidence, hierarchical confidence, confidence in the mission and confidence in the story[5]
Trust in the mission refers to the project's ambitions and the resources allocated to it.
Confidence in history is linked to the company's and the group's experience of similar situations.
He adds that "uncertainty is the rule".
We must, therefore, accept the uncertainty that resists our will to control. Doubt is part of professional life.
Confidence comes from the ability to adapt to unexpected events.
Confidence is not the absence of uncertainty. It's the assurance of having the necessary resources to confront crises and events.
For this, teamwork and cohesion are essential.
In times of crisis, a "tectonics of issues"[6] will test the commitment and loyalty of teammates. Disagreements and differences of opinion will be sources of potential disunity. Trust and ego will be put to the test.
Nobody likes conflict, which can put interpersonal trust to the test. Yet conflict is part of life. The important thing is to keep it under control.
The aim is to keep conflict at the level of confrontation and avoid it becoming confrontation.
This nuance is important. Confrontation takes place in a predefined context, with rules and arbitration. Confrontation, on the other hand, oversteps boundaries and goes beyond the framework. It involves violence and the loss of all control.
Why validate confrontation? Simply because employees don't feel heard without confrontation. They feel that their voice does not have the same value and is not respected. The feeling of fairness is greatly diminished. And as Eric Berne puts it, every situation of injustice is one more "stamp" in the victim's collection. And sooner or later, this collection of stamps will come to the fore, in the form of a confrontation.
To maintain trust, you have to accept confrontation.
When confidence is high, speed increases and cost decreases[7]
In any company, leadership is the skill that most concentrates the demand for trust.
[1] Berne, E. (1970). Sex in Human Loving, Simon and Schuster, New York
[2] Berne Éric, Des jeux et des hommes. Psychologie des relations humaines, Paris, Stock, 1975
[3] Diez Robert, Carton Pierre, « De la reconnaissance à la motivation au travail », L'Expansion Management Review, 2013/3 (N° 150), p. 104-112. DOI : 10.3917/emr.150.0104. URL : https://www.cairn.info/revue-l-expansion-management-review-2013-3-page-104.htm
[4] diminutif de Hyperfonctionnement en thérapie neurocognitive et comportementale.
[5] Combalbert, Laurent; Mery, Marwan. Les 5 leviers de la confiance (EYROLLES) (French Edition) . Eyrolles.
[6] Combalbert, Laurent; Mery, Marwan. Les 5 leviers de la confiance (EYROLLES) (French Edition) . Eyrolles.
[7] Covey, Stephen M.R.; Merrill, Rebecca. La Vitesse De La Confiance (French Edition) . Mango Media.